Speaking of ass...

Not frog ass anymore, I'm talking about Chinese candy now. Anyone ever tried any of their massive array of "peanut" candies? I mean, how could you pass up sweets labeled as "Hickory Soft"? C'mon! Personally, I think they taste like ass. Or dirt. Or really dirty ass... with dirt on top. Not good.

One frog's response...

Kermit has recently come forward to deny claims that he's actually a puppet (as seen here on the Simple Math a few weeks back). He is now stating that the x-ray in question was taken during a recent prostate exam and that he has no idea how that information reached the street. While I'm not certain that his story is true, this picture does prove without a doubt that the frog has the equipment to back up his story.

If I were him, I'd keep better tabs on my x-rays and possibly look into a malpractice claim against his proctologist. More news as it becomes available.

Shameless self-promotion!

I recently banged out this new graphic for EC and it's now in stock over at the STORE for purchase either as a dastardly cool, peanut tank sticker or a suave, chest-hair concealing T-shirt. Totally channeling Crumb on this one, and they're already gaining momentum. There are also shirts emblazoned with the Simple Math banner you all love so much, so go grab a handful and support your local retard. Trust me, he appreciates it!

Step right up!

And be the first on your block to get the old "ham on blood with pickle on diarrhea sandwich hand and knuckle" tattoo! You know you want to. It'll make you cooler than snot on a freezin' pole. Guaranteed or your money back!

I hope this dude owns a bangin' deli somewhere.

A little progress...

Well, while I wait on more paint I figured I'd get the "paint booth" set up proper-like. I took down the menagerie of duct tape and replaced it with 1 1/4 PVC in a nice 10x7 size. Now I can drape vinyl till my heart's content and not worry about it coming down. The frame stays up even when parking the Buick inside and I can even simply lift the vinyl out of the way when it's clean. Not too shabby. Now I have to get the ventilation dialed in. Some simple box fans and lots of filters do the trick for me. Don't talk to me about non-exploding fan motors and shit. I made it out OK the other day and not even a speck of overspray in the shop that I could find. 3 filled filters and some old shop fans worked like a charm.

I'm gonna finally get that 8' fluorescent put in too, so light won't be an issue.

Next up I'm working on the tail section. Little fairing and seat pan action for ya.

What's with the sick pickle?

This scares me, just like a public service announcement should I guess...

More of what you already know...

So I got the tank prepped, and then primed up and ready for basecoat paint. I made the most piss-poor excuse for a paint booth and it's a lucky thing I'm not dead I suppose. I'll wait to grace you with photos once I get the new, improved booth version done tomorrow.

As for primer, I just picked up some sandable grey from the local auto parts store and went to town. This stuff is RustOleum or whatever and I've found it's as good as anything I've mixed before. I'm no paint expert, but a fast curing, sandable primer that doesn't glop on and seems solid in every use? Sign me up. A good first coat with about 3 passes on it and then sand with 320 grit wet to start after curing for around 15 minutes. I put a little dish soap in my water (very little) to keep it lubing better. Did this VERY lightly and kept moving. Work up to 600 wet to knock down any unsightly scratching. Give it a good last rinse with the water and then rub with a clean paper towel. I use the blue shop ones since they're not as rough as the kitchen type, but whatever. Once I'm done, I like to use a medium tack cloth to make sure I get all the dust and paint crap off. Key is to keep the tack moving and not stay in one spot too long. Make sure it's dry and then repeat the whole process.  I did this a total of 3 times. Overkill? Maybe. I had the paint and the time, so might as well not skimp on the part that dictates a large part of how well the rest of the job goes. I move from 320 grit as a starter to 600 on the second coat then all the way up to 1500 by the 3rd coat. I don't sand after the final prime coat though. It should be pretty good if you got the other coats smooth, and the little roughness will promote better adhesion of the base coat.

Tank on the rack and first coat of primer down -

A little wet sanding... Remember to use latex gloves, keeps the oil to a minimum.

All primed up after 4 coats (3 sanded and one final not sanded) -

I got right back after it and hit the tank with the first coat of jet black base coat. I'm using ALSA corp paints for this one. I've had great experience with them in the past, but this time around, got shit on right out of the gates. About halfway through the first coat, the can started sputtering. I caught it and started putting more on my test board. (I use a piece of cardboard and hold it in my non-spraying hand. Hit it after about 4 passes with the can each time to keep the "blobbing" from going on the tank. I reshake the can after about 10 passes or so, and clean the tip after 20ish) Thought I had it licked and then BANG! right as I'm finishing up the coat, the bottom of the can distends and spurts a bunch of spatters out. Luckily, they were all on the top surface and not on a corner. I was able to sand them out after letting the tank sit for about 45 minutes. Took this base layer down further than I wanted though, and now I'm out of luck. About half the material still in the can, and no way I'm going to use it anymore. I was a cheap bastard and only bought one can of base, since I'm doing their chrome system, and you don't have to layer it very much in that application. Oh well. Live and learn.

Here's the tank with one coat of black after sanding. Not bad, but gotta wait now before I can get another 2 coats on and continue. -

So now it's hurry up and wait time. To ALSA's credit, they were champs on the phone today and didn't even need much explanation. Dude said "man, that sucks! Let's get you out TWO new cans to make up for it." Holy shit! You mean, not only does a company get that their product broke and it wasn't "user error", but they are going out of their way to make it better than just right??? No way. Ok, I'll take it! Paint should be here tomorrow and I'll be back in biz. Gives me time to redo the booth and stuff anyway.

I did get a chance during all the wait-for-paint-to-dry time to get the bars changed over and put those nice purple grips on! Can you say "match the frame perfectly"? Of course you can. Good ol' chrome, narrowed mini apes feel right at home. Now just need to get rid of that big goddamn MC/lever for the front brake.

Hopefully, I'll have more to go on tomorrow. If not, I'll start the rear fairing and the headlight bracket crap. Later

While we're on the subject...

Remind me about the unicorns again... why? They are some evil bastards.

A little How-To...

For the painting inclined. I decided to take an old donor sporty tank I had on the shelf and give it a go at the ol' DIY paint throw-down. The Shovel has been screaming for a different tank setup for some time now, and since I now have another bike that has a billion gallon tank, I figured it was time to move. Some know me to be artistically inclined, but painting sheet metal has always eluded me. I got some paint, some supplies and some gumption and got to work. This time around, I'll talk about the knock-down and prep. It's all basic stuff, but there's bound to be someone out there who can get some help from it...

I started with this-

Not in bad shape actually, so body work is at a minimum, which is fine by me. I got a set of stripping pads for the angle grinder and got after it. About an hour later, and you have this -

Even found that old AMF logo burned in under all that primer. Stickers do the worst shit over time...

After cleaning it up, I had a couple dings to take care of, so out comes the Bondo.

I ain't a pro, but I like to keep the body putty to a minimum and layer even on small dings. Finally got this -

Not too shabby. A couple other little ones around the other side and I'm ready to start working on the tabs. These stock rear mounts won't do on the Shovel, so off they go, and I have to make something else. 

pretty clean...

I took some 1/8" flat stock I had laying around and heated it up laterally to a nice glow with the torch. Then I pounded it into a radius using my jack handle as a dolly. Once I had the right bend, I simply cut the strip off the stock and shaped to my liking. 

The shape I need...

The shape I got...

And lastly, the cut tab all shaped up and ready to get stuck to the tank...

As it turns out, the way the tank sits on the backbone of the shovel allowed me to leave most of the original mounting bracket underneath the tank rear. That's good, because it gives me a good base to weld to without worrying so much about blowing through the tank or creating pin-holes for leaks. Like I said, I'm no pro at any of this shit, but I'll take my chances with pretty much anything.

Got the tab cleaned up and drilled and then welded her up real quick.

Here's what we got.

Bondo break again to clean up that tab area since it's a little uneven. I don't like grinding to clean up too much as you loose strength in the weld especially with MIG.

Removed the old rear mount for the fat bobs that were on the Shovel, and tested the tank to see how she fit and looks. I'm pretty stoked so far.

Off with the old...

On with the new...

Alright, that's enough yappin' for today. I actually got the tank primed and a first coat of the base on too, but that will have to wait for tomorrow to post. Don't want to give everything up all at once!

Long week(s)...

So pops is here at the house and things seem to be OK. I'm more than thankful for the simple fact that he's alive. We went back to Tucson this week to get all his shit out of the salvage yard and transfer it home in a new trailer. I think we've actually moved his stuff a total of 89,001 times now. Really. Anyways, it's all good that ends... uh... good? Yeah. Whatever. Happy he's here in one piece. Happy it's all over. Also pretty happy to have these new items in the shop. All finds from the wilds of Arizona while on the multiple trips back and forth with dad. Not all headaches and roadrash after all.

'66 Shovel wrapped in pretty much 100% OEM skin.

And a new frame for the '67 once it finds its way here from Colorado. Or maybe a new frame for the pan once I end its life due to frustration. Or maybe... It's good to have some options.

I need to learn sign language...

For Really...

What's the fascination lately...

With gay unicorn and rainbow shit? I got some stickers on a package a while back that were funny for a second, but c'mon.

Raddest shit of the day...

Right here. Period. Thanks to LFTC Josh.

Does it ever end?

My brother-in-law just sent me these pics of a '67 he picked up for me in Colorado. I was supposed to get up there during the trip back here with my pops, but I guess I'll have to wait until next month to go pick her up. This was my steal of the year and an early birthday gift to my damn self! True garage find that somehow made it through multiple suitors and into my hands for a song. The mysterious Mike D and I plan on turning her into a dreamsickle. '67 heart in an '82 Sturgis swung frame. We'll see what else finds its way into the mix later on.

For Sale!

Friend Scotty is selling this beaut! It'll run you 12k and will be worth every penny. Great guy, great bike. Go get her! Contact Scotty directly at tmscott@surewest.net

Arizona's all out of luck... literally!

You may ask "why, sir, is Arizona out of luck?"... First I'll tell you not to call me sir, then I'll explain to you that Arizona is out of luck, because my pops just stole it all. No joke. All of it. Gone. Nothing left for you.

As some of you know, my pops has been headed in a bad direction after his stroke 3 years back. Job's been tough to do and even harder making ends meet with all the disruption to life that a stroke can cause. I've been pushing him to move out to Cali and live with me for over a year so he could forget his worries and let me pick up the bill. You know, pay back for the years of grief I gave him growing up. Anyways, he finally accepted and I flew out to Texas to get him on Monday. The goal was to drive back to SoCal and live happily ever after. Well, somewhere right around Tucson, AZ, that plan went all to hell. He was driving his Nissan P/U with the Uhaul attached and the trailer started bucking a little rough coming up over a hill around 55Mph. It got all sideways and he went up under the semi in the right lane. Fucking tanker ran right over the cab and spit the truck out causing it to roll 4 times before coming to a stop in the middle of the freeway. I'm following right behind and just freaking out knowing I just saw my Dad die.

I jump out of the jeep I'm driving while it's still coming to a stop and run to the truck full tilt boogie. The cab has collapsed down to the steering wheel, and there's no more camper or passenger side to speak of. Everything that was in the cab is crushing my pops, but somehow, he's alert and alive. Unfuckingbelievable, but he didn't break a single bone. No concussion. Hardly any roadrash at all. He got a pretty bad arterial cut on his temple, but no bruising on the brain or anything. What the fuck? The dude is either indestructible, or as I say, he just sucked every last bit of luck out of the state of Arizona. One guy at the nearby truckstop rabbited over the highway fence and came to the rescue to put pressure on the bleeding artery while I pulled the windshield out. This little dude is a hero in my opinion. He jumped into the cab and wiggled into what little space there was to keep my pops from moving and keep the bleeding down. EMTs showed almost instantly and got my dad to the hospital pronto. Turns out my brother-in-law has a brother in Tucson. He and his family offered us rooms at their house to stay and his wife is even a doctor. Dad made it through the night with flying colors and we drove the rest of the way back to SoCal today. He's beat up pretty bad in the stiff-and-bruised department, and I'm probably still in shock, but if you were going to have something like this happen, this is the best way to have it turn out. Period. Glad to have you pops!  

Truck after the pneumatic jaws cut the roof off -

If you don't know Whataburger...

Then I can't help ya! Best there is. Fuck your In and Out. Period.

Remember When?

Remember when shit was so much simpler? When people did what they did because they loved it and didn't have to deal with the nonsense BS of everyone being "out for self"? Remember when what people said actually held true? You know, they actually meant it and weren't just saying what you wanted to hear. If you don't, I feel for you.

I journeyed out behind the Orange Curtain today and had lunch with my long-time friend Steve. You see, Steve and I met back in 1988 when everything seemed different. It was still filled with angst-ridden punk and hardcore, pushing hard for the next show to get on a bill with the bands you loved, but a bunch of us did what we did for reasons beyond the next dollar or getting over on people to reach some fabled "top" of a ladder.

Life didn't have rungs back then. We just did what we did to have some fun, make enough to eat and survive, and take care of those close to you. Printing t-shirts and selling them for break-even. Recording your buddy's band and not worrying about when they were going to pay you. You knew the friends you kept would come through for you exactly the same way you did for them. Helping every time you could with everything you had. When you said something, you fucking did it. No bullshit.

Well, Steve and I remember and it seems like we both still do things for pretty much the same reason. It might not be making 7"s or playing shows any more, but we still put our hearts out there to show people what we're made out of and what our intentions are. Not too long back, Steve, Rich and Bear from Insted did an album with Roger from Agnostic Front. The Alligators. It rules. Check 'em out. Guess what? They didn't do it for money. They didn't do it to "get the band back together and tour, because we're broke". They did it, because they love this shit. I love this shit too. I did the artwork for that album and there was never a conversation about money. Everyone knew that wasn't the purpose. The purpose was to make a bitchin' record and get it to people like us.

Too bad people these days are too stuck in a place of fear and insecurity to face the truth - not everyone is out to fuck you over. Some people still do what they do just for the fun and the love of it. Some people don't want a reality show. Some people don't give a fuck who's at the top. Hell, simply saying there's someone at the top, immediately places you below them. While I understand and admire proper humility, I also realize that I exist beneath no one. I'm just like you. Right there next to you and not trying to put my foot on your head. You do something better than me. I do something else better than you. Great! That could be twice as much good shit getting done. If everyone could realize this, and live like this, imagine what we could do.

Good way to spend lunch. Getting back to basics with those you started off with in the first place. Steve you rule. Thanks for the tacos.

Haha! I found this photo of Insted on the tour where I met them in 88. Good geebus, we've gotten old... and forgotten where we put our bleach.

Now go listen to THIS

WTF? He's a puppet??

Local news just reported that x-rays of Kermit the Frog were leaked onto the net today... I can't believe it. It must be a hoax. This guy taught me the alphabet and shit... now it's all just a lie!!

Another week gone by...

Geez, where does the time go?! Been spending a ton of time in the garage trying to get the '47 motor ready to go out to Rico's for reworking. Finally lugged that lump out yesterday and then tore down the front-end to start mocking up the frame with ideas. The magical Mike D stopped by and gave me a hand with some of the fun stuff. Good to have buddies in the shop. Keeps you goin! Still can't see where this one wants to be, but it will come. Hopefully sooner than later. I'm actually doing a pretty good job of just focusing on this one project even though there are so many others to do.

Empty bones

Mike D lending a hand... literally. This f'ing bearing was torn up on the bottom side and pretty much grafted onto the stem. We notched it and nada, so we busted out the big guns.

A little caressing with the sawzall and there you have it (or Bob's your uncle for you Brit bastards). A little off the top means a new neck for that glide, but all-in-all, not too bad a deal. Kept the stock neck cups good for cryin' out loud.

New 39mm front end and bars mocked. That tank's for the sporty, but gives me an idea how the one that's being done right now will look.